Now I have so much more!

It seems like a recurring theme with the mommies I hang out with, the idea of what we “used to be” or have before we had kids.  There is nothing wrong with thinking about the past, but these conversations always seem to be laced with negatives of how we can’t get our bodies back, go out spontaneously with the hubby, or sleep in anymore.

 I am a natural “glass half empty” kinda girl.  Not to say that’s always bad, but in the New Year, God has challenged me to stop romanticizing the past and take stock in the things I have now! So I thought it would be fun to make a list:

1. I USED TO have no stretch marks, NOW I have a body that God has blessed to carry children and see the reminder of His miraculous gift to me as a woman every day when I look in the mirror

2. I USED TO be able to sleep in every weekend, NOW I am awoken with little kisses, laughter, and joy of a wondrous new day by my toddlers VERY early every day

3. I USED TO have time to read real adult books, NOW I get to instill love of reading in my own children by reading silly, funny, and simple kids’ books

4. I USED TO have a meticulously clean house, NOW I get to play tea party, dress up, and legos all day without worrying about those pesky dust bunnies!

5. I USED TO go the grocery store and leisurely stroll around without a list and just enjoy shopping, NOW I have 2 little assistants who help me see the world in a fun way, and save me time by making the trips short

These are just a few little ones, but I challenge you to do your own list and be thankful that God has given you the awesome gift of looking at your world in a whole new way

Goofy Expectations...

As parents we have expectations of our children.  Some of these expectations are spoken and clearly communicated.  Like when you tell your child they must be respectful to their teacher.  Other expectations, however, are not as clearly communicated and can lead to unfair disappointment in your child’s actions or reactions to a situation. 

I had this experience a few weeks ago when we went to Disney World.  We scheduled a meal with the characters.  It was something I always wanted to do, so now that I’m the mommy who makes the plans, I get to do it! We chose a breakfast with the classic Disney Characters-Mickey, Donald, etc.

Goofy is my favorite! I’m one of those nerds that still has the Goofy hat, slippers, and clock I bought at Disney when I was 10.  We hadn’t been able to see Goofy in any of our character encounters thus far, but he was going to be at breakfast! In preparation for the upcoming meeting with my most favorite character, we watched all the movies we could find with Goofy, talked about how cool he is, and even talked about how exciting it will be to meet him. 

We get to the morning of the breakfast and I’m like a 3 year old on Christmas-totally ecstatic, all I could talk about was how we were finally going to meet Goofy today.  We are seated at our table and the characters start coming around one at a time.  Donald was first.  Both the girls jumped out of their seats for a photo, excitedly handed their autograph books to him, and were delighted to blow him kisses as he said goodbye. 

Next up: Goofy! (I was beside myself with joy that my kids would soon get to see why I think he's so awesome!) He comes to the table and Annie TOTALLY flipped out, but not in the amazingly ecstatic way I’d been prepping her.  She jumped into my arms and began screaming, “NOOOOO!!!” Now, she’s 2, I get it, he’s big.  BUT we’ve seen TONS of characters and this is the first time she’s reacted negatively.  I tried to gently pursuade her that Goofy was fine, but to no avail.  After taking a picture of Natalie and Goofy (the one above!), he was on his way.  Annie was immediately at ease again and spent the rest of the breakfast cheerfully greeting Mickey, Daisy, Minnie, AND Pluto (?!)

Like I said before, I know this is a normal reaction for a 2 year old, you just never know what you’re going to get with them sometimes.  So why was I so disappointed? B/c I made the parenting mistake of imposing an unspoken, selfish expectation on Annie's reaction.  She knew I was excited to meet Goofy, but had no idea that my positive experience was based on her reaction to this big, scary dude in a costume! If I was being honest, I hadn't really thought about it that way until that moment either!

As I began to ponder this, I realized how unfair it is to my children.  They are their own people. God created them to be unique and take in the world in their own way, not mine.  With little kids I think we too often forget that.  It's OK for them to dislike something-they are little people with real personalities that cue their preferences.  I’m not saying that we should never have expectations of our children.  What I am saying is as a parent, I need to be asking myself a few very important questions. 

The first: Is this expectation selfish? More specifically, Am I just expecting they act a certain way b/c I want to be fulfilled or satisfied in my own experience?

The second: Are my expectations clearly verbally communicated ahead of time? 20 minutes into the church service my 4 year old starts talking and I get upset/scold her, but I didn’t tell her beforehand that she would be expected to sit quietly until the service was done-that's an unfair scolding b/c I didn't effectively communicate that expectation with her!

The third: Is this expectation realistic for my kid to succeed at? I can expect my 2 year old to be able to sit through a 4 hour Bible Study and explain to her that she is to sit quietly the whole time, but at 2 years old, even if she really wanted to, she just isn’t old enough to pull that off, plain and simple! 

Clearly, my desire for Annie to love Goofy was just plain selfish.  That being said, I enjoyed our breakfast anyway! Annie keeps talking about how neat it was to meet Goofy, so apparently in her mind, he’s a pretty cool character….from a distance! 

This is a good lesson no matter how old your kids are.  From now on, I encourage you (I'm going to do it too!) to try to keep my expectations clear and fair so my kids can be who God created them to be as they encounter all that this world has to offer. 

Picture Perfect Picnic...Not Quite!

We were in the park enjoying a real “movie moment” type picnic.  The girls and I were sitting in our cute outfits on a cute little blanket looking at all the adorable birds flying by-this is the stuff that wins “Mommy of the Year Awards”, people! But, in true Kim fashion, our moment of glorious perfection was quickly dashed, but not by what you might think. 

For my regular readers, I know you’re thinking this moment MUST have been interrupted by someone’s horrible bodily fluid explosion.  Surprisingly, you’re wrong (just wait a few days, I’m sure there will be another “poop post” soon, it’s never too far off with toddlers, that’s for sure!) No, today’s culprit was a squirrel.  I know, sounds ridiculous, what could a sweet, little rodent possibly do to unravel this perfect moment? Well this was no ordinary squirrel, not ordinary at all!

This squirrel was larger than most, about the size of a small puppy.  In Florida, that’s not really too unusual. The weather is nice all year, so I assume that means they don’t have to store away for the Winter, meaning they have an entire extra season to hang out and eat bread from old people-not a bad gig, if you ask me. 

Anyway, so this “larger than normal” squirrel spots our picture perfect picnic and begins to bounce his fluffy, evil, little tail in our direction.  I love animals as much as the next girl, but don’t feed the wild ones. I remember learning in 2^nd grade Science that feeding wild animals messes up their natural ecosystem and I don’t want to be personally responsible for too many uneaten acorns in the world, so I will NOT feed the squirrel.  Please don’t nominate me for any environmental awards, I’m simply doing my part. 

The squirrel sees that I see him-we make full eye contact.  I believe my eyes are communicating, “No food here, Buddy”  He believes my eyes are communicating, “Come on over, I packed some for you too!”  Clearly, I need to work on my squirrel whispering skills.  Now Mr. Squirrel is in a full on sprint towards our picnic.  I stand up to scare him away, but to no avail.  My “lovey eyes” from earlier have apparently removed any possible fear of me he may have had-UGH!

Still, not a big deal, it’s just a squirrel.  Then my girls see him and totally freak out.  By freak out, I don’t mean they scream or stand up.  No, they full-on run in the other direction, as if they saw a bull charging the picnic.  They get about 15 feet away and begin crying and screaming.  Now, everyone in the park who was just admiring our amazingly serene picnic is staring at my kids wondering who those little weirdos belong to. 

At first I was angry, but they were right to be afraid of this squirrel-he got right up on the blanket, despite me actually physically swatting him away.  After I realized I was losing this battle, I walked over to the girls, and we all sat and watched as the squirrel ate the rest of our grapes, cookies, and cheese.  As we were sitting watching this little terror eat our lunch, a sweet older lady came over and said, “Oh, that’s Squeaks, He’s terrible-he steals from everyone AND he bites! Animal control keeps removing him, but he always finds his way back here!”  We were just latest victims of Squeaks the evil, biting, food-stealing squirrel.  

When he was done, we picked up our mess and were on our way.  We’ll try again another day, probably not at Squeaks’ park!  I guess that’s just how life works, you get a few rare moments of picture perfectness and the rest of life is figuring out what to do with the crazy stuff that happens all around you!

It takes more than a village, It takes a Savior!

I’m constantly hearing, “it takes a village to raise a child”.  Now with my own kids, I appreciate help, but I feel like it is mine (and my husband’s) responsibility to be the main influences in our children’s lives while they are growing up.  There is nothing wrong with receiving help from others-we LOVE when a friend or family member invests time in building up our kids. We really appreciate the teachers at our daughter’s school, too, but someday I will be standing before God answering for how I raised my children and I don’t want Him to say that I missed out because I let the “village” raise them for me!

It was a cold day, so the kids and I decided to take a trip to the mall.  We were playing a fun game where my 4 year old lead the way through the winding aisles.   It was a great outing-until an unsuspecting store worker came by with the pallet of death! Ok, maybe a little bit of an overstatement, but with the reaction and winning “mommy moment” that follows, I wanted to DIE!

We’re weaving through the aisles and I see a large pallet of merchandise coming our way.  I quickly tell my 4 year old to move-somehow her hearing is magically gone-amazing how if you whisper the words “ice cream” from 3 rooms away they hear you, but when you’re standing next to them, nothing.  One more time I told her to move, again, nothing.  So, I gently grabbed her arm and guided her out of the way. 

That’s when it happened-she yelled “No, Mommy!” and full-on SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE! What?! Only really bad moms get slapped in the face! Surely, this is not happening to me AND in a very public place…

Immediately a thought popped into my head (from the Holy Spirit I’m sure, b/c in moments I’m at my worst my human nature says, “Hey, Kim, just walk away and pretend they are someone else’s kids until they stop crying”-don’t judge, I know you’ve thought that about your kids at some point too!)

The thought was this: “You don’t need a village, you need a savior!” I’ve been a Christian for a long time-I don’t need to say the prayer of salvation again in  the middle of this, so what is this to mean? Quite simply it means that I need God to inform my parenting-I need to pause, and ask for HIS help.  I have found that means ignoring my human desire to be angry, frustrated, or embarrassed and IMMEDIATELY start praying over my children.  I pray they will hear the words and see the actions they need FROM GOD through me in that moment.  

I literally stop in the middle of wherever I am and begin to pray-not necessarily out loud, although you can! And every time it puts my human nature in check, puts God in charge, and gives me a moment to realize this too will pass!

In that moment, I prayed for 5 seconds while putting my daughter back into the stroller.  After just that quick prayer, my ego (which was damaged and seeking some type of human response to save face) was back in check.   I explained her behavior was unacceptable and we were leaving immediately.  She then began to cry, contort herself in the stroller, and scream “I HATE you, Mommy” all the way out of the store. With my Spirit-led calm, I walked her out to the car without feeling frustrated or even embarrassed.

 At home she was finally calm enough for a real conversation, God was able to speak through me to my daughter as I explained the severity of hitting mommy and dispensed the appropriate punishment.

As you find yourself in those inevitable moments of what I call Parenting Ego Checks, remember, it’s not the village you need, we are all fallen, weak, and human.  What you really need is your Savior!

I encourage you to memorize this verse so in those moments, the Spirit will lead you to prayer, rather than your human response.

Psalm 50:15

“Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory."

Also, don’t forget to give God the glory, no matter what the situation!

Annie vs. Evil Mommy: The Broccoli Standoff

 

EVIL, Pure evil! It brings with it screaming, crying, and complete chaos for my 2 year old.

So far we’ve had a pretty easy road.  My old daugher (now 4 years old) never really made us suffer through the infamous “Terrible Twos”.  She's had fits here and there and is excessively stubborn, but is also people pleaser, so a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store would have been too embarrassing for her.  I didn’t truly appreciate this until my sweet, wild child Annie came along!

My 2 year old Annie is quite a character. She’s never met a stranger, you never have to wonder what she’s thinking, and she is the most hilarious person she’s ever met.  That being said, she’s also 2, VERY 2!

She decides what she wants and that’s what she’s going to get-at least that’s how her plan goes-then Evil Mommy gets in the way of toddler glory, poor Annie!

On this particular day, Evil Mommy brought out the kryptonite of Annie-Broccoli! She didn’t flinch at first, she finished everything else on the plate, then decided she was done.  She quietly climbed out of her chair, attempting to draw as little attention to herself as possible and then silently (and literally) tip-toed away from the table.  Solid plan and execution on her part: the only problem, Evil broccoli-serving Mommy saw the whole thing.

As with any good vs. evil plot, Evil Mommy soon had captured her and placed her back in the precarious position at the table, with broccoli back in her path.  She didn’t know what to do next, after all, her getaway was flawless and it didn’t even come close to tricking her evil adversary.  Then she came up with plan B-she grabbed the plate of broccoli and threw it as hard as she could right at Evil Mommy, then as quickly as possible made her escape.  BUT she was no match for Evil Mommy’s speed-before she knew it she was back in that same seat in a face-off once again with that horrible vegetable. 

What’s a toddler to do?! Well, in this case, she activated her “Chaos Scream”-she yelled, cried, and squirmed, but to no avail. Evil Mommy didn’t even flinch.  After 2 hours, Annie admitted defeat, and fell asleep, still at the table facing off with the Kryptonite Broccoli. 

When she awoke, the entrancing powers of Evil Mommy were too strong to defeat, so she peacefully ate the broccoli-come to find out, it was not kryptonite at all.  It was the key to her release.  As soon as she swallowed, Evil Mommy disappeared, Good Mommy came, helped her out of her chair, and she was released to play another day. 

We’re never sure when the next battle between Annie and Evil Mommy will happen-it could be any moment, but Annie is always ready, unfortunately for her, so is Evil Mommy!

Share with me your stories/tricks/tips on getting your toddlers/kids to eat their veggies