We were in the park enjoying a real “movie moment” type
picnic. The girls and I were
sitting in our cute outfits on a cute little blanket looking at all the adorable birds flying by-this is the stuff that wins “Mommy of the Year Awards”, people!
But, in true Kim fashion, our moment of glorious perfection was quickly dashed,
but not by what you might think.
For my regular readers, I know you’re thinking this moment
MUST have been interrupted by someone’s horrible bodily fluid explosion. Surprisingly, you’re wrong (just wait a
few days, I’m sure there will be another “poop post” soon, it’s never too far
off with toddlers, that’s for sure!) No, today’s culprit was a squirrel. I know, sounds ridiculous, what could a
sweet, little rodent possibly do to unravel this perfect moment? Well this was
no ordinary squirrel, not ordinary at all!
This squirrel was larger than most, about the size of a
small puppy. In Florida, that’s
not really too unusual. The weather is nice all year, so I assume that means
they don’t have to store away for the Winter, meaning they have an entire extra
season to hang out and eat bread from old people-not a bad gig, if you ask
me.
Anyway, so this “larger than normal” squirrel spots our
picture perfect picnic and begins to bounce his fluffy, evil, little tail in
our direction. I love animals as
much as the next girl, but don’t feed the wild ones. I remember learning in 2nd
grade Science that feeding wild animals messes up their natural
ecosystem and I don’t want to be personally responsible for too many uneaten
acorns in the world, so I will NOT feed the squirrel. Please don’t nominate me for any environmental awards, I’m
simply doing my part.
The squirrel sees that I see him-we make full eye
contact. I believe my eyes are
communicating, “No food here, Buddy”
He believes my eyes are communicating, “Come on over, I packed some for
you too!” Clearly, I need to work
on my squirrel whispering skills.
Now Mr. Squirrel is in a full on sprint towards our picnic. I stand up to scare him away, but to no
avail. My “lovey eyes” from
earlier have apparently removed any possible fear of me he may have had-UGH!
Still, not a big deal, it’s just a squirrel. Then my girls see him and totally freak
out. By freak out, I don’t mean
they scream or stand up. No, they
full-on run in the other direction, as if they saw a bull charging the
picnic. They get about 15 feet
away and begin crying and screaming.
Now, everyone in the park who was just admiring our amazingly serene
picnic is staring at my kids wondering who those little weirdos belong to.
At first I was angry, but they were right to be afraid of
this squirrel-he got right up on the blanket, despite me actually physically
swatting him away. After I
realized I was losing this battle, I walked over to the girls, and we all sat
and watched as the squirrel ate the rest of our grapes, cookies, and
cheese. As we were sitting watching this little terror eat our lunch, a sweet older lady came over and
said, “Oh, that’s Squeaks, He’s terrible-he steals from everyone AND he bites!
Animal control keeps removing him, but he always finds his way back here!” We were just latest victims of Squeaks
the evil, biting, food-stealing squirrel.
When he was done, we picked up our mess and were on our way. We’ll try again another day, probably
not at Squeaks’ park! I guess that’s
just how life works, you get a few rare moments of picture perfectness and the
rest of life is figuring out what to do with the crazy stuff that happens all
around you!
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