Another Yellow Day!

My 4 year old, Natalie, is going to preschool for the first time this year. I am so excited for her! She is growing, thriving, and really loves school (let’s hope she still feels this way come middle school, right?!) Every day the teacher puts a smiley face on the calendar in each student’s folder.  At the end of the week, if they have all 5 days of green smiley faces they get to choose from the treasure box.  It’s nothing big, just small toys, stickers, etc.  but it’s the idea that they were great all week and get rewarded.  Natalie has been in school for 7 weeks now and has NEVER had a yellow day….Until yesterday!

I got there to pick her up and when she came out to greet me she had a look of defeat on her face-when I asked her what was wrong she explained that she had a “yellow” day because she didn’t listen to her teacher well enough.  I tried not to smile-afterall, selfishly, as a mom, it’s secretly gratifying to know that your kids defy other people too, it’s not just me. I then explained that if she got another “yellow” day she would have a punishment at home in addition to losing the treasure box privilege at school.  She tells me she’s so sorry and so on. 

Then I went to pick her up today. She immediately says, “I had another yellow day”….Really?! Another one?!

She explained that her friend was being mean and told her (I’m quoting Natalie directly here) “She said my outfit wasn’t fabulous, but it is fabulous b/c I’m fabulous, she told me I was ugly too, so I just hit her b/c she was lying b/c I am fabulous, I am fabulous!". My first instinct was to laugh-not b/c I think it’s funny she hit her friend, but b/c she used fabulous about a million times in that sentence and she thought it was justified b/c She IS fabulous-it’s a fact, Duh!

I explained that she can’t hit people just b/c they are being mean, you know the whole good mommy thing, no hitting, blah, blah, blah.  And then I let her know that since she got another yellow day she would have consequences at home-which would be she would go to bed without a bedtime story tonight.  Bedtime came and she did OK without a story, but when we were saying prayers she asked that God would help her friend see that she is indeed fabulous like he made her.

As a mom, I’m upset she hit her friend, that’s not ever the right response.  As a woman, I’m even more sad that at 4 years old girls are telling each other they are ugly-I know that kids will be kids and my daughters will have to learn to keep out the bad or disregard the “mean girls” that are always going to be there, but that doesn’t make it OK.

 In our world today how do we raise our children to be kind, but truthful; sensitive, but sensible; strong, but sympathetic?

 I think the answer is that we pray a lot, we punish the wrong, and we make sure our children know their value is not based on what others tell them they believe is true, but rather it is based on what God says is true.   He made each one of us fabulous.  She may not be as fabulous as someone else in the world’s eyes, but according to God, she is fabulous and she should always stand up for herself in that way (just not by hitting!) 

So here we go, into the world of outside influences and Natalie not being with me all day every day.  I’m excited about this new phase in parenting. I know that I’m going to grow as a person, and I’m not always going to have the right answer, or an answer at all, but I know that if I trust God, He will give me the words that my sweet Natalie needs to pick her up and keep her strong when this world is knocking her down.