Wedded Bliss?!

Today we celebrate 8 years of marriage...I wish I could say getting here was easy, or fun, or super romantic all the time, but to be perfectly honest, it has been the hardest thing I've ever done (and will continue doing with my life!)

My husband is an amazing man.  I am 100% sure that God made him just for me.  He is strong in all the ways I am weak, he is quick to listen and slow to anger, but most importantly, he loves God with all of his heart.

So, why has marriage been such a challenge for me? Well, I am a VERY strong woman.  I was raised to know who I am, support myself, and always follow God.  None of those things is bad, but in knowing so strongly who I am, I often fail to appreciate who God has made my husband to be.

My husband is a strong, quiet, fiercely loyal person.  He forsakes no one, which is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.  I never doubted (nor have in our entire marriage, nor will I ever in our future) how much he loves me, cares for me, and really wants me in his life.  That is an amazing thing-I know my husband loves me unconditionally.  But in my acceptance, sometimes I get flippant and even annoyed, with this blessed unconditional love.  I have often failed to return this unconditional love.  I have taken advantage of something so many people are hungry for.

 When thinking about why I do this, I realized I didn't really understand what God meant when He made woman for man.

Genesis 2:18 says, "The LORD said, 'It is not good for man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him'."  My interpretation of this, early in our marriage, was that I am around to help my husband be a good father, do well at his job, or just be "good" at life.  Pretty literal and shameful interpretation for an English teacher who analyzes everything!

A while back we had a very turbulent time in our marriage.  I was so busy being selfish and needy, that I was not helping him or myself be anything but miserable.  As I began to pray about it, God gave me an insight.  I am not a theologian, but I can tell you what "Helper" really means in this verse (at least to me).  It means everything I do with him or for him should HELP point him to God.  Not to himself, myself, our kids, or his job-No! Everything I do should HELP point him to God.  With true and genuine encouragement EVERYTHING I DO SHOULD HELP POINT HIM TO GOD! That is a pretty huge calling on a wife's life!

 I know that (Biblically) men are called to be the spiritual leaders, and I'm not combating that here.  What I am saying is, have faith in your husband! Have Faith that he is leading the way God is calling him! Don't  just passively follow him because you are bound to him-HELP POINT HIM TO GOD by encouraging him in the choices he makes to follow God's plan for your family!

In my selfishness, I was not pointing him to God, I was pointing him to me.  When he responded by pointing me back to God, I got angry. As soon as I realized my calling is to help point him to God (not to me), it became easy.  Not, "we never fight", "I never complain" easy, but "I can do this because I know this is God's path for my life" easy.

I try my best and slip up more often than my awesome husband deserves,  but after 8 years in 4 states,  with 2 kids, and another upcoming move, I have learned a few ways to do this (in no particular order).

I encourage all my fellow wives, to pray through the list below and see where you can do a better job.

WIVES: 

-In that moment you feel like saying "That's a stupid Idea" or "I don't want to do that" or "How is that going to work" In your snarky, judging tone.  STOP! Say a silent prayer and just listen.  

-Initiate sex with your husband A LOT! (yup I just went there!) Remember when that was all you could think about? Now, you're busy with jobs, kids, whatever life has you doing.  You are the ONLY PERSON that your husband can enjoy in that way (and vis-versa) SO make sure you're making an effort to encourage him to enjoy you that way!

-Do one little thing he likes every day.  For example: my husband enjoys when I fold his shirts a certain way-it takes a little longer and I don't see the point, BUT I fold his shirts the way he likes so when he opens the drawer, he knows I made a little extra effort so he could have it the way he wants. Simple, but effective!

-Pray for him! Pretty self-explanatory

-Be Quiet.  I am a talker, so when there is a silence, I feel the need to fill it.  It drives my husband NUTS that I'm talking all the time, so I try very hard to sit quietly and wait for him to start a conversation (I don't always succeed, but he can always tell when I'm at least trying and it makes him smile!)