I let other people raise my kids...???

     Photo Credit: Aubrianah Shannen Photography, Lynchburg, Va 2013

This post was written by my sister, Colleen Larkins.  She is a working mother of 2 and has a great perspective on something that many of us stay at home moms don't think about.  Enjoy!

It was normal small talk type of conversation, then I mentioned I am a working mom,  her response:"I could never let other people raise my kids, but everyone is called to something different.” 

I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs. I didn’t know how to respond.  I was a new mom and my heart ached every time I left my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this to be anyone’s view of me, that I let other people raise my kids. All the sleepless nights, endless diapers, and hours spent rocking my restless infant came crashing in on me.  I was new to this mom thing and I had no idea this was a statement that I would hear over and over again in the next five years.  

Time has caloused my once sensitive Mommy heart and that comment no longer sends me into a depressed mindset.  It still bothers me, but it doesn’t destroy me like it once did.  Because the truth is I have an irreplaceable role in my kids' lives, I am their mother-the only one they will ever have, so it IS my husband and I who are raising our kids.  

It is true that my children spend days with caring, loving daycare providers and teachers.  Those wonderful women give snuggles on cranky days, wipe noses, change diapers and give correction, BUT at the end of the day my kids come home with me, their mother, who loves them unconditionally in a way no one else ever could. These nurturers help in raising my kids, they do part of the job, but if you walked into a daycare or school and asked the teacher “are you raising these kids”  they would say “No”.  Not because they don't want to offend the parents whose children they care for, but because they know that raising kids is not just a job, it is your whole life. 

As a parent, you don't get to simply punch out at the end of the day, or call someone else to manage the little ones when you aren't feeling well.  Despite the fact that these teachers spend the days with my kids, they aren’t the ones waking up with them in the middle of the night when they have bad dreams.  They aren’t the ones cleaning up bucket after bucket during the stomach bug.  They aren’t the ones snuggling them in the evening to talk about how he got left out at school.  They aren’t the ones that decide what my children are taught about life. They aren't the ones who love my child unconditionally.

Maybe you had no idea how bad those words hurt.  I get that, I have learned, after the fact, that something I said hurt, it’s not fun.  Maybe you need to justify a role you play in life, but the truth is you don’t.  You made a decision based on what’s best for your family, and so did I.  No matter the reason you have said this in the past or think it today, please friend refrain from saying it again.  Show your fellow Moms some compassion and love, instead of cutting them down.  Being a mom is the toughest job in the world-whether you're home with your children during the day, or work outside of the home, we are all just doing our best.  Let's keep that in mind and think about each other's feelings before we speak about someone else's choices.  

Sincerely, 

That Mom who works…

Dear Bottle Feeding Mommy,

Dear Bottle-feeding Mommy,

You are doing an amazing job! Having a baby is the most challenging adventure you will ever take on as a woman.  You are loving and nurturing your baby every day and night, despite the lack of sleep, inexperience, and huge changes, you are succeeding (and it does get easier!).

I know that every time you take out a bottle in public, you feel a sense of dread.  I know that you wonder if the looks from other moms are looks of disappointment and disapproval.  They are not.  You are doing the best for your baby.  I know that not breastfeeding is a hard choice that you very seriously considered. Maybe you work and after trying to pump, in a dark room so many times a day, you just couldn't do it anymore.  That's OK, you are not cheating your baby by bottle feeding.

Or maybe for you, it was not a choice.  Perhaps you tried everything and your body or baby didn't cooperate.  You've agonized, lost sleep, and cried countless nights with a baby at your breast that was losing weight and still would not eat from you.  I know you didn't make this choice lightly or decide to bottle feed b/c you just thought it would be easier. You tried so hard, but in the end, it just wasn't meant for you and this baby.

Rest assured, us breastfeeding moms are not better than you and we are not judging you.  We are lucky it worked for us.  We are blessed to have that experience, so that is why we share our thoughts, pictures, and encouragement with you, perhaps naively at times.  Maybe we've said things about it that have hurt you, I am sorry, our intention is NEVER to hurt another hard working, caring mom.

Your sweet baby doesn't love you any less b/c you snuggle her, lovingly in your arms, with a bottle instead of a breast.  She is still your baby, she is still bonding with you every time you hold her, feed her, and talk to her.  You are not robbing your baby of any of your love by not breastfeeding.

There is not a "Breastfed" or "Bottle fed" box to check of on your child's college application.  No one asks in a job interview if your child was breastfed or bottle fed.  You are raising a baby who is going to be a meaningful part of society, breastfed or not. So take a deep breath, and stop feeling guilty.

Next time you take out that bottle in public, know that we are all in this together, us Moms! We are trying our best to do what we can to love and nurture our kids.  Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you not breastfeeding! You are a great mom and you're doing great at the most difficult job in the world.

Love and Sisterhood,
Breastfeeding Mom