10 things every Mom should say to her daughter

I have 2 daughters and as I strive to be the best mom I can, here are a few things that I think every mother should say to her daughter! Some of them are simple, some of them are a bit more difficult, but they are all important for her to hear! 
Love your fellow Momma,
Kim

10 Things EVERY Mom should say to her Daughter

1.) I love you-This one is obvious, but when you think about it, when was the last time you said it to her in a meaningful way?!

2.) I am listening-So often, we get caught up in making sure everything is getting done, she understands all the directions, or is just doing what she is supposed to, that we forget to truly listen and process the answers to our questions.  She may be trying to tell you something important or just testing the waters to see if you're really listening before she opens her heart and shares.  Don't miss out on an opportunity to hear your daughter's heart, rather than just her words.

3.) You are beautiful inside and out-In a society that constantly bombarding our girls with images of unattainable perfection, it is important that we are constantly building them up.  God made her with true inner, lasting beauty and we need to remind her of that when she looks in the mirror and doesn't like what she sees.

4.) It's OK if you don't like me right now-If you're doing your job as a parent, there are going to be moments of tension, strife, and arguing.  That's just the way it works.  Let your daughter know that she doesn't have to LIKE you, she can be angry, but it's how she expresses that anger and engages with you that will help her learn from this time of disappointment or punishment.  

5.) I know your life is not easy-As adults, we tend to trivialize what our kids are going through, but it's important to remember, to them, this really IS A BIG DEAL! It's not a competition, it's her growing through the tough stuff and if she's sharing her frustration with you, turn it into an opportunity to encourage her and feed her spirit! 

6.) I am proud of you-So many of us are very proud of our kids, but do we really express that to them verbally? Even as adults, we crave hearing this, so start it when she is young.  That way, whenever she does anything she will never have to wonder that you will build her up for making a good choice, big or small.

7.) I want you to make your own choices-Sometimes it's difficult not to come to her rescue.  Just tell her what you would do or what she should do, but don't.  Someday you aren't going to be around, so she needs to be encouraged to think for herself.  With you there to help encourage her choices, she will soon become someone who can think all the way through possible good and bad consequences of her choices.  

8.) I do not want to control your life-So, maybe you DO want to control her life, but God didn't give us kids so we could control them, He gave us kids to bring us closer to Him and so we could point them to their life's calling from Him as well.  Just make sure that you let your daughter know that God wants to be in control of her life.  This is also a great challenge to you as her mom to model that in your own life! 

9.) You are an amazing person-Women are so often terrible to one another, even when they are friends (Frenemies? Seriously, who thought that would ever be a real thing?!), but your daughter needs to know that no matter what others think of her she was created in the image and likeness of God, which makes her an amazing creation.  

10.) You are not me! This one is tough! We've all made mistakes and sometimes we parent in a way that demonstrates our fear that our daughter may repeat those mistakes.  It's well intentioned, we are just trying to save them the heartache our mistakes have given us, but we need to let her know that she is her own person.  She is not defined by your mistakes (and in Christ, neither are you).  So encourage her to find her own way, even if it's not a path you planned for her life! 

50 Shades of Judgement....

Our wedding 8 years ago :)

John 8:7-10 is an account of a woman who has been dragged out into the town square and is about to be stoned to death for committing adultery.  The religious leaders of the day are trying to trap Jesus into condemning her, however, in his divine wisdom, Jesus answered.  

7 But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, [a]Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”]

Currently my social media is all abuzz with a debate about the morality of the movie (and book series) "50 Shades of Grey" which is being released during this Valentine's Day weekend.   I personally have never read any of the books, nor do I intend to see the movie.  

Do I think it's wrong? Well, as I'm finding out from the various articles, memes, and blog posts, I SHOULD think it's wrong because I am a "good conservative Christian woman", but those various forms of condemning literature don't really hit the heart of the issue, so here's my take.  

My stance on any sex scene in any form of media (TV, Literature, Movies, Internet) is that it is wrong and violates what God created sex to be: A private, intimate act between a married man and woman.  What married couples do in their private moments should never been paraded on the screen for others to see.  Sounds a bit prude, but it is absolutely what God has said (through Paul) in 1 Cor 7:1-6 

7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

So how did our society get here? Why are we seeing story after story filled with outrage about this movie, but not about EVERY form of media that exploits sex for something God did not create it to be: a cheap laugh, an excuse to show a woman naked on the screen? Why are Christians who are SO upset and outspoken about the extreme sex scenes in this movie, but not upset when Ross and Rachel sleep together for years on Friends without ever being married (yea, old school TV reference)? Are those both not perpetuating sexual sin? 

I believe that we've been desensitized when it comes to accepting sex as expected in all levels of romantic relationships. Sex is everywhere and therefore, has become a normal part of the media we take in every day! We've began to buy into the lie that consensual sex between 2 adults is what God meant to say, right?! The problem with believing that is we've now fundamentally changed the intended reason God created sex! It is not just to procreate, but it is also to bring intimacy to two people who have become one for life under God's covenant of marriage.  It is NOT just a fun stress reliever to do with someone you just met.....

Now, to the title of this blog "50 Shades of Judgement".....Given the Biblical outline I've given above, does that mean I think we should lower the boom and really nail these people who watch this stuff? 

NO! Just as Jesus said to the religious leaders, "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone."  I am suggesting that rather than pouring our human judgement over other peoples' life choices, we seek God and ask Him to convict their hearts with His truth.

Protesting outside of a movie theater with a sign about how bad and sinful people are IS NEVER SOMETHING JESUS WOULD DO! And it doesn't do anything except play into the horrible stereotype that Christians are judgmental and close minded.   Standing outside of a movie theater with a cup of hot chocolate that has a saving scripture on it, that is something more along the lines of Jesus' love.  

Should we stand up for what is right? Absolutely, but we need to do it in a way that will turn others to look towards Jesus because they see His Love flowing through our actions. 

We are all sinners saved by God's amazing gift of grace.  We know God's glorious truths about love, sex, and marriage, but don't forget that we are called to lead others to God's grace AND not judge them on the way.  

30 isn't old, RIGHT?!

Tomorrow I turn 30 and I'm not so sure how to feel about that....I am not worried about feeling "old", it is more that in my life, as well as the life of my family, I have reached a crossroads, and now I need to figure out how God is going to use me next....

You see, when I was growing up, like most little girls, I dreamed of getting a college degree, finding a Godly man, getting married, having kids....you know, the normal stuff.

Well, I did that. After 8 years, we are no longer goggly-eyed newlyweds, the kids are quickly getting older (and we're not having any more), but my childhood dreams didn't ever go beyond the beginnings of those things, so now what? I didn't dream of raising kids, or keeping a marriage new and interesting after years, so I've reached confusing waters.

For the past 6 years I've been very focused on the home front:  Nurturing babies, holding down the fort, and trying to keep our young marriage strong in the face of exhaustion and constant change.  

When I first made the decision to stay home, it was a huge struggle and sacrifice for me.  I had a good job that I loved, and felt very fulfilled.  However, as I prayed about whether or not to continue working, I knew, undoubtedly home is where God wanted me for that season of life.  It took 3 years, and lots of prayer to get to a place where I was finding God's joy in my life everyday.  Now, as our kids grow to need me in different, less constantly taxing ways, I feel God is calling me to also do something different for Him than staying home....But what?

I am finding myself asking God what He wants my next endeavor to look like.  As both kids are in school, and my husband is deeply involved in work, where is He calling me to make an eternal impact.  I know that my role at home will always be important as wife and mom, but what about outside of that? What else does God want me to do for His Kingdom?

All of this change just so happens to coincide with my 30th birthday, yet I can't help but feel this is God's physical time stamp for the next great thing in my relationship with Him. I will have to stand before God on my own someday and answer for all of the choices I've made, so I want to make sure that I am choosing to follow what He has for my life.

 At the end of the day, my soul belongs to God, not my husband, not my children: God!  I think as moms we often forget that, because we get so bogged down with others needs, wants, and "To Do's".  I don't want to lose the "Me" God created.  As a wife and mom, I feel selfish when I have that thought, but if I am really living with God as my focus, I will find that it isn't about anyone else.  I do those things for my family out of a desire to show them the love of God.  I exercise patience, selflessness, and unconditional love not because of who I am, but because of who God has called me to be.

So, as I start a new decade of life, I am a little nervous about God's next calling....But so excited to see where He's going to lead and see one more piece of exactly what God's created me for!

Here are few scriptures and a prayer that I would encourage you to read/pray if you're feeling like you're in a similar place of change in your life!!

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Ephesians 1:18-19
…18I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for," Declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."  

My Prayer For the Future:

Lord,
  Thank you so much for caring about me enough to plan my future.  Thank you for making it so much greater than anything I could ever even dream.  Give me your eyes to see where you want to use me next.  Give me the faith, patience, and hope needed to take whatever steps you ask of me.  May my actions, words, and thoughts bring glory to your Holy Name, and make an eternal impact.  
Love your servant,
Kim
  

Church Shopping Simplified

Photo courtesy of FBC Meridan

Since we move a lot, "church shopping" is something we do WAY more often than I would like, but in all of those moves, there are few things I've learned that may help you next time you find yourself needing to find a new place of worship and accountability.

BEFORE YOU GO:
-PRAY PRAY PRAY! Ask God what your family needs in a church body to help grow everyone's relationship in Christ.  Ask Him to help make it clear when you should stay at a particular church.

-Make a list of what you/your family needs from church (IE types of small groups, kids programs, etc.) It is important to know what your priorities are in order to make sure all of your family members are being spiritually fed and encouraged.  Also, making this list will help you realize what small things you are willing to compromise on and what big things would be "deal breakers".

-Make a list of what serving opportunities you want to take part in.  God calls all of us to serve and our church body is where that should be happening.  If you feel led to teach young children, but the church doesn't have a program for that, you have 2 choices, you can ask God if He's calling you to head up that ministry, OR ask God if you should try another church where your gifts will be utilized for eternal impact.

-Look at the Belief statements of the church.  Know what you believe, and know what the church believes.  It doesn't matter how great the music is or how many awesome programs a church has, if there is a theological rift in your beliefs, you will not be able to reach your full spiritual potential in that body.

WHEN YOU GET THERE:
-PRAY PRAY PRAY! Before you get out of the car, ask God to give you clear eyes to see and a soft heart to not only take in the church, but enjoy the worship and community with Him for the morning.

-DO NOT start itemizing good/bad as soon as you walk in the door.  It does not matter if the building looks old, the nursery is hard to find, or there are still hymns in the chairs.  You are there for the entire church experience (which is worship, service, and fellowship), so don't start letting your human expectations creep in and cloud your spiritual judgement of good, Biblical preaching, meaningful worship, and kind fellowship.

-Visit the Welcome Center.  This is the brains of all the "extras" this church has to offer. Anything from small groups to service opportunities will be answered here, so pay close attention and gather as much information as you can.  That will help you know whether or not this church as the things on your list and is a place that will give you opportunities to serve in areas of your spiritual gifts.

-Enjoy true worship and take in what God has for you in that moment.  Even if you think, after only 5 minutes into the service, "We are NOT coming back here", worship God, listen for what He has for you.  God's word never returns empty and all worship is meaningful, so take it in for the moment and be thankful for the freedom and opportunity to worship The Everlasting God of the Universe!

AFTER YOU VISIT
-Debrief with the family. Ask how everyone's time was, what they learned and what their thoughts were on going back again.  If you loved it, but your teenage kids didn't connect, you may want to try another place where they feel more comfortable.

-Contact church members to see what ways you can get plugged in.  Use that information you get at the Welcome Center to contact the people in charge of the ministries you are most passionate about.  This will give you an idea about whether or not these ministries and groups really will meet the "requirements" for your family on the list you wrote before you even started the church hunt.

-PRAY PRAY PRAY!! Ask God where you should be and really listen for the Holy Spirit's guidance.  Don't dismiss a church right away, take next few days to really pray about it and let God speak to your heart.  If a church doesn't feel right, that's OK, don't feel badly about it not working out, do a little research and try again next week.

God has the right place for all of us somewhere, it's just a matter of following the Holy Spirit's prompting, knowing what your family needs to mature in their walk with Christ, and being will to compromise on the little things (Obviously, you should NEVER compromise on the big things, like your personal beliefs about the sovereignty of the Bible, but compromising in such things as "I don't really like the service times").

Remember, church is supposed to be about worship, service, and fellowship that will encourage us to continue our maturity in our relationship with God!

5 Easy Recipes The Whole Family Will LOVE!!!

Here are some favorites in our house that are quick, tasty, and inexpensive! You can also prep and freeze ALL of these for days you don't want to cook. (I usually do double and serve one that evening and put one in the freezer for later in the month. Then I only cooked once for 2 meals!) Some of these have been floating around FB, Pintrest, etc. but after trying them, I've modified to either make them easier, tastier, or both! Enjoy!!

Crock Pot-Chicken Pot Pie (Makes 6 servings)

-1 1/2 lbs. Chicken RAW and cubed (doesn't matter if you use breasts or thighs)

-1 16oz Can Cream of Chicken Soup

-8oz. Chicken broth (you can put less of this in if you want it thicker)

-1 16oz Bag Frozen Mixed Vegetables (small cut)

-1 16oz Bag Frozen Southern Style Hashbrown Potatoes

-1 Tbsp Garlic Salt

-1/2 Tbsp Onion powder

Combine all ingredients (cold and chicken raw, and spices) in crock pot.  Cook on HIGH for 4-6 hours.  Serve with rolls

Crock Pot-Cheesy Potato Soup (makes 6 large bowl servings)

-1 8oz. Block Cream Cheese

-1 16oz Can Cream of Chicken Soup

-1 16oz Can Chicken Broth

-1/2 cup of Cheddar Cheese

-16oz. Bacon (cooked and cut up)

-Bacon Grease (whatever comes out in pan from cooking bacon)

-1 16oz. Bag Frozen Southern Style Hashbrown Potatoes

-1/4 cup of Onion (diced)

Combine all ingredients in crock pot.  Cook on HIGH for 4 hours (or low for 6)

Serve with salad, rolls, or sandwiches

Lasagna Bake (Makes a 9X13 pan)

INGREDIENTS:

-1 Box of Lasagna noodles

-1lb Ground Beef (or Ground Turkey)

-2 24oz jars of Spaghetti Sauce

-3 cups of cheese (preferably mixed jack, mozzarella, cheddar)

Preparation:

-Cook Ground Beef (or Ground Turkey) until brown, drain fat 

-In large bowl, combine cooked meat and 2 jars of Spaghetti sauce

-In a 9X13 baking pan, start layering ingredients as follows:

   -Uncooked Noodles (all the way across the bottom)

   - meat sauce (spread it thin, but cover all the white on the noodles)

   - 1/2 cup of cheese (spread evenly over meat sauce)

REPEAT THIS 3-4 TIMES 

Baking:

-Preheat oven to 350 Degrees

-Bake for 45-60 minutes (until the edges are bubbling, and the cheese on top is brown/looks crispy)

-Let cool for 10-15 minutes to set up

Serve with Garlic Bread

Crock Pot-Sweet and Sour Meatballs (Makes 6 Servings)

-1lb bag of frozen meatballs

-1 green pepper

-1/4 cup onion

-1 cup Teriyaki Sauce/Seasoning

-1/4 cup Soy Sauce

-1 Tbsp Garlic Salt

Combine all ingredients above in crock pot.  Cook on LOW for 6-8 hours (or HIGH for 3-4 hours)

Serve with White or Brown Rice

Chicken Enchiladas (Mild) (Makes 9X13 Pan)

-20 Small corn Tortillas

-1 1/2lbs Chicken Breast 

-2 cups Cheese (whatever kind you like best-we prefer cheddar/jack/moz mix)

-1 16oz Can Tomato Sauce

-1 Tbsp Cumin

-1 Tbsp Paprika

-1/2 Tbsp Red Chili Powder 

-1/2 Tbsp Garlic Powder

-1/2 Tbsp Onion Powder

Preparation:

Cook Chicken completely.  When it cools, cube meat. Put cubed Chicken and a pinch of cheese into tortilla, roll it and place is seam down into the 9X13 pan.  Repeat until Pan is full of small, filled, rolled Tortillas. Combine Tomato sauce and ALL seasonings in a separate large bowl.  Mix until ALL seasoning powder is dissolved.  Evenly pour the sauce over the Tortillas, covering all of them.  Take the remaining cheese (should have about 3/4-1cup left) and sprinkle it evenly on top.

Baking:

Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes (until cheese is bubbling)

Let cool for 5 minutes.

Serve with beans and/or rice

Something EVERY young mom should know...

My husband was working 14+ hour days, while I was at home with a 2 year old who did not nap and a newborn who was up all night...all I could do was constantly feel defeated.

Fast forward 3 years: I now have a Kindergartener and a 3 year old.  I am sleeping all night (most nights), and even have time in the afternoon to myself (even if it is just 20 minutes to take a real shower alone!).  

I wish I could go back to my sleep-deprived, weepy, discouraged self of 3 years ago, look her in the eye, and with genuine sympathy tell her it really does get better.  Others who went before me often said, "This time will pass", or "Enjoy them while they are little".  It was said as a passing encouragement, but it meant little when in the thick of the sanity-sucking cycle of caring for a young family.  

To all my mommy friends who are feeling defeated, exhausted, and discouraged, with genuine love, I want you to know:

It REALLY does get easier, people don't just say that, it REALLY is TRUE.  

There will be a day in the NEAR future where you will have a full-night's sleep again.  

There will be a day in the NEAR future where you will have some alone time

There will be a day in the NEAR future where you will feel like a human again.

There will be a day in the NEAR future where you will have a clean house


Until then, take heart! No one else in the whole wide world could be a better mother to your babies! God picked YOU for a reason: You're so strong, loving, kind, compassionate, hardworking, and selfless!

Tonight, as you prepare to get up multiple times to feed your sweet little one, or change another dirty diaper, or wonder how long it will be until you get a shower, just know that this tough season will pass.  You can do it! There is no faultless method, magic fix, or universal solution for being the perfect mom, just keep doing what you're doing,  and know that You Are Loved!

Love,
A mom who's "Been there"