Tomorrow I turn 30 and I'm not so sure how to feel about that....I am not worried about feeling "old", it is more that in my life, as well as the life of my family, I have reached a crossroads, and now I need to figure out how God is going to use me next....
You see, when I was growing up, like most little girls, I dreamed of getting a college degree, finding a Godly man, getting married, having kids....you know, the normal stuff.
Well, I did that. After 8 years, we are no longer goggly-eyed newlyweds, the kids are quickly getting older (and we're not having any more), but my childhood dreams didn't ever go beyond the beginnings of those things, so now what? I didn't dream of raising kids, or keeping a marriage new and interesting after years, so I've reached confusing waters.
For the past 6 years I've been very focused on the home front: Nurturing babies, holding down the fort, and trying to keep our young marriage strong in the face of exhaustion and constant change.
When I first made the decision to stay home, it was a huge struggle and sacrifice for me. I had a good job that I loved, and felt very fulfilled. However, as I prayed about whether or not to continue working, I knew, undoubtedly home is where God wanted me for that season of life. It took 3 years, and lots of prayer to get to a place where I was finding God's joy in my life everyday. Now, as our kids grow to need me in different, less constantly taxing ways, I feel God is calling me to also do something different for Him than staying home....But what?
I am finding myself asking God what He wants my next endeavor to look like. As both kids are in school, and my husband is deeply involved in work, where is He calling me to make an eternal impact. I know that my role at home will always be important as wife and mom, but what about outside of that? What else does God want me to do for His Kingdom?
All of this change just so happens to coincide with my 30th birthday, yet I can't help but feel this is God's physical time stamp for the next great thing in my relationship with Him. I will have to stand before God on my own someday and answer for all of the choices I've made, so I want to make sure that I am choosing to follow what He has for my life.
At the end of the day, my soul belongs to God, not my husband, not my children: God! I think as moms we often forget that, because we get so bogged down with others needs, wants, and "To Do's". I don't want to lose the "Me" God created. As a wife and mom, I feel selfish when I have that thought, but if I am really living with God as my focus, I will find that it isn't about anyone else. I do those things for my family out of a desire to show them the love of God. I exercise patience, selflessness, and unconditional love not because of who I am, but because of who God has called me to be.
So, as I start a new decade of life, I am a little nervous about God's next calling....But so excited to see where He's going to lead and see one more piece of exactly what God's created me for!
Here are few scriptures and a prayer that I would encourage you to read/pray if you're feeling like you're in a similar place of change in your life!!
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Ephesians 1:18-19
…18I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for," Declares the LORD. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."
My Prayer For the Future:
Lord,
Thank you so much for caring about me enough to plan my future. Thank you for making it so much greater than anything I could ever even dream. Give me your eyes to see where you want to use me next. Give me the faith, patience, and hope needed to take whatever steps you ask of me. May my actions, words, and thoughts bring glory to your Holy Name, and make an eternal impact.
Love your servant,
Kim
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